Confusingly, I’m not sure it's worth saving.
How do I know what to do? Can I even forgive my partner?
These questions can be hard to answer. Your partner engaged in a wrongdoing, or you are experiencing relationship problems that seem unbearable. Whatever the relationship struggles, the question of whether to stay together can be daunting and painful. Especially, if you love your partner!
Below is a helpful start. Ask yourself five questions:
- Does my partner acknowledge a wrongdoing, problem, or an issue? Problems are to be expected in relationships, but is my partner admitting there is a problem.
- Is my partner showing signs of regret? When we hurt the people we love, we usually feel sad, guilty, and even remorseful. You might see some form of a repair attempt. Look for ways your partner is genuinely sorry.
- Is my partner asking for for help? Trying to fix a problem within a relationship can be daunting. Relationship counseling can help, but is your partner asking and willing to do what it takes.
- Is my partner willing to include me in the process? Fixing relationship problems is sometimes a process and not a quick fix. Is he/she including me in the process?
- When we do enlist help, are there signs of improvement? You want to look for real signs of improvement. Signs of improvement may be not so obvious and take longer, or they may be blatantly obvious and quick. Even the smallest signs of improvement count.
The above five questions can help you in deciding - forgiveness, seek help together, or move on. If you answered yes to all of the above questions, your relationship has great potential - even with the seemingly worst problems.
While some problems may be worked out on your own, other problems might be best worked out with a trained counselor or a relationship coach. Seeking professional help at the early stages of relationship trouble can set a solid foundation!
With much caring,